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10 Irritants

When I first started my blog back in June 2015 (yes, I know it feels like I’ve been harping on longer), it was to be a place for me to compile lists; covering a whole range of subjects.

As time progressed my blog became somewhere for me to write about anything and everything; with no restriction.

One of my most favourite list posts I wrote in the early days was entitled 10 Irritating Things/Gripes/Annoyances.  Mainly because I felt so damn good after publishing it.  Like all the negativity and rage left my body and I was now feeling calm.

I’ll be honest here, a lot annoys me. I don’t get the rage like I used to, however, I’m still someone who can get irritated with ease.  When it comes to people, I’m quite intolerant, especially with my advancing age and when it comes to those little everyday things that annoy even the most patient of people, well, you can imagine how that goes; considering I’m quite open with my lack of patience.

The list below encompasses 10 new things that have irritated me since 2015.  To be honest, I could do 20 but that’s not in keeping with the original theme of my blog.

Plus I can’t be arsed if truth be told.

10.Pop up ads

Fucking hell this seriously, SERIOUSLY gets on my (lack of) tits.

Various news sites are the worst for this. Bristol Post (my local online news outlet) I’m looking at you and don’t get me started on the Mail Online app.  Yes I know I promised to delete it last month but I just like the TOWIE articles. Promise.

Mail Online have always had adverts, I get that it’s necessary so they are able to run their app (not that it’s to a high standard mind you), however, it’s literally like a game of Russian Roulette every time I go on the damn thing.  You used to be able to scroll through a selection of approx 20 photos and only expect to get hit with 1 or 2 pop up ads. These days it’s after every couple of photos, if not every single photo.  I always know when it’s about to happen, things slow down, I can’t scroll and before I know it up pops an ad for some wanky game I could purchase from App Store.  FUCK OFF.  I do not have the time nor the inclination to play “Smurfs Bubble Story”.

I can never find the X on the screen and sometimes there isn’t even an X there and I’m sat watching some daft advert for something I’ll never need or want when my only desire is to look at photos of Lauren Goodger hiding under a 15 tog.

You alright under there bab?

9. Automated commenters on Instagram

“Come check out our page, I guarantee you’ll love it” I won’t.  I guarantee I fucking wont.

“Nice photo”  Is it? You haven’t actually looked at the photo of some bloke’s bin I’ve just stuck on Insta have you?

“Want more followers?” No, I want you to fuck off and leave me alone.

Morons

8. Unicorn obsession

I know this is going to be a contentious one because SO many people love this Unicorn trend at the moment.  But hear (or read) me out before you call me a miserable bitch.

Can someone, sound of mind, please explain to me what it is about hundreds and thousands on a cake that constitutes a Unicorn?

Is there a horn on said cake? No

Is it shaped like a horse? No

Does it have Unicorn like features? No

There you go then, not a fucking Unicorn cake is it?

I can barely turn This Morning on of a Wednesday without some Master Baker unctuously displaying her Unicorn masterpiece and promising everyone at home “the kids will love it because of the Unicorn theme”.

I am not lying to my son about it resembling a Unicorn because it doesn’t and besides; Unicorns don’t exist so stick that in your cake hole and munch on it.

NOT a Unicorn.

7. Set up pap shots

They’re getting worse.   I swear they are actually getting worse.

We’ve had pap shots for years. Back in the day when Jodie Marsh decided to rate her lovers out of 10 on the back of a racer back vest top, she would have let the paps know beforehand as she made her way to Chinawhites.  I guess it was semi interesting, until I thought Dane was Dane Bowers and it actually turned out to be some bloke from a pop group no one had ever heard of.

Spare a thought for Fran

Anyway, these days we’re “treated” to minor celebs (Z listers wouldn’t even want to be associated with some of these non-entities) inviting the paps to come and snap, snap, snap away at them getting a spot of lipo on their thighs.

Enter Lisa Appleton from Big Brother 2008. Yes, you read that right, the paps are actually still interested in someone who was on Big Brother NINE FUCKING YEARS AGO.

I ummed and ahhed about sharing this visual aid. But I feel that seeing is believing.

Sorry

6. When someone can’t see that another is an arsehole

I’m a good judge of character. Sometimes I might ignore what my instincts are telling me, to my own detriment of course, but 9/10 my first instincts are usually right.  Within a couple of days weeks, I can tell whether I like someone or not.  Whether they’re a snake or not. Whether they’re being themselves or playing the game.

What annoys me though, is when you know what someone is playing at. You can see, so blatantly what they’re like, but everyone else around you thinks the sun shines out of their proverbial.  You’re then in the unenviable position of either calling the bullshit out and looking like the bad guy or going against your beliefs and compromising your integrity.  It’s a no win situation.

People don’t use the brains they’re born with, I swear.

5. Eat clean hashtag

#eatclean #traininggains

The only time I want to EVER see a photo of your food is when you’ve either ordered a dessert that when you cut into the sponge; chocolate oozes out or you’ve ordered yourself a cheeky little Dominos and want to show the world your dirty, filthy pizza.

More of this please

I do not want to see bits of cucumber with hummus on it #behealthy #healthybody #healthymind or some dried up, rancid bit of chicken with some VERY al dente carrots #cookeditmyself #joewickswouldbeproud

Fuck off. I bet Joe Wicks couldn’t give one; Lizzie.

Meh

4. Celebs releasing statements via Notes app

This is a recent phenomenon.  And part of me understands why the Z Listers turn to their iPhone Notes app during times of drama and distress.  The only thing I cannot and will not get on-board with is how poorly written they are.

I get it, you’re annoyed, you’ve just found out your boyfriend was bonking some bird in the room next door whilst you were on holiday but please, for my sake, just read it back before you screenshot it and upload it to Snapchat/Instagram/Facebook/Twitter.

Knowing your shit is the difference between knowing you’re shit.

This wasn’t the last message by the way.  There’s been about 6 million since.

3. Women being blamed for an affair

To be honest, this is one that has annoyed me for a number of years. I see what goes on, I see that it’s always easy to blame the woman for someone’s bloke straying instead of actually realising the person who betrayed your trust and was disloyal to you was the actual person you’re in a relationship with.

“She’s a slag”. Is she? Or are you just scrambling for insults to make yourself feel better that your bloke couldn’t keep his trousers on?

“It’s her fault. Not his”. Yeah because she made him take part in this mutual affair didn’t she?  Kicking and screaming he was.

I’ve seen it time and time again. I’ve even, many years ago, been on the receiving end of something similar myself.  Me the single one, him the not so single one.  Guess who got the blame though?  Yep, yours truly.

Bollocks to it. Big, fat, hairy bollocks to it.

2. Trolling vs debating 

Avid (for want of a better word) readers of mine may know I have had more than my fair share of trolling over the last few months. I’ve received death threats, impersonation, you name it, I’ve pretty much experienced it online.

I’ve also been accused of being a troll.

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.  A VERY, VERY LARGE DIFFERENCE between the act of trolling and having an opinion.

To me, trolling is personally attacking someone for no good reason.

For example

“I’m going to get the train to Bristol and stab you in your fucking sleep you dickhead”

Or

“You need to fucking drop dead”

Not

“I disagree with you on this because…..”

or

“You’re chatting out your arse”

THAT IS HAVING AN OPINION. Something we’re all able to express and should be able to do so without fear of being referred to as a troll.

It really annoys me.  If you couldn’t tell.

1. Virgin Media letters

One day I’d just like to be able to open my post box (yeah we have a post box, we inherited it from the previous owners, it has its pros and cons) and not be greeted by the sight of an A4 envelope addressed to either myself personally or the one that always gives the game away “The Householder”.

I get they need to advertise. I get they want prospective customers to know about their amazing shit deals but Jesus tonight Barry, I do not need it rammed down my throat every sodding day of the week.

If anything, it’s actually making me not want to leave the oh so expensive Sky (at least Dick Turpin wore a mask) and deflect to Virgin.  I think I’d sooner shove a boiling hot poker down my throat than sign up to Virgin. Because, when you think about it, if I’m receiving the amount of literature I do when I’m not their customer, then imagine the abundance of toilet paper I’d receive from them once they had my money.

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

You’re doing my HEAD IN, that’s how you’re doing.

Cor, I feel better already.

This Post Has 81 Comments

  1. bwwwwwwahahaahahhaha! hilariously awesome post, pop up ads annoy me the most especially on blogs that cause the loading time to slow down.

    facepalm* on number 5 tho coz i’ve recently adopted a healthier lifestyle, so i have posted my new meals on my insta at times. Fair warning lolol. But i still post the delicious ones too.

    very relatable post, i enjoyed it

  2. Ha! I’m with you on the Insta autocomments! And I’d never actually thought the whole hundreds and thousand sprinkles to make a “unicorn” cake through, but you have a very valid point there!! Thanks so much for linking this up to #DreamTeam!

  3. Very funny, but very true! I agree with you on quite a few. Well said. #dreamteam

  4. RawMum

    Pop ups make me so mad I have to walk away. Never even hear of some of the other things. I’m sticking to avoiding celebrity crap. #dreamteam

  5. Tina

    Loved the related pictures! Haha! This post is brilliant! Number 6 – people not realising others are arseholes – really annoys me! I’m the same, I pretty much know what a person’s about straight away and it’s so frustrating having to wait for others to catch up!
    Great list!

  6. Ellan

    God yes to every single one of these!!! I actually laughed my way through this post and I’m glad it’s not just me that gets so wound up

  7. Dave

    Oh, how lucky I am at knowing only three, maybe four of these irritants.
    And trolling vs debating must probably be my main peeve – I usually ban trolls instantly, and it’s never too soon.

  8. Ravi

    Hilarious and true. .i am sure there is a method to get rid of all those popups..

  9. Sze Kim

    Agree with writing this all out will be release all your anger.
    Life is short, be happy.
    Cheers~

  10. Philipa Watson

    The pop-up add while reading the rant about virgin media was… Virgin media ??‍♀️

  11. Oh I am so with you on the unicorn thing. I do love unicorns, I would be mental not to seeing as they are my top seller, but the whole pastel rainbow, sugary sweet bollox makes me want to hurl. It needs to stop, real unicorns are not sweet they are hard arse bastard ?

  12. Pammy

    Alright, you succeeded making us laugh! Love to share the thoughts LOL I almost spill out my coffee with my keyboard lol!

  13. Back again for #thatfridayfeeling. You know I love this post- we could so easily share a bottle of wine and put the world to rights!

  14. I have no idea who that Appleton person is, but it will take a while to get that pic out of my head. I don’t even wanna know what she just had done #thatfridaylinky

  15. DYING!! Who is the Appleton like Jeremy said? I also like healthy food but clean eating just pisses me off! The Instagram auto stuff also does my nut in!!! xx #thatfridaylinky

  16. Why has Lisa Appleton become in the Daily Fail again? Is it just because CBB was on recently? Im fed up of her pap shots set up with her wearing clothes that wouldnt even fit a twig!
    Did you get tweeted by Virgin the other day about the spammage? hahaha! #brilliantblogposts

  17. You are brilliant! My cheeks ache from the unicorn section: “Is there a horn on said cake? No” will quite possibly stay with me forever! (or at least until this food-colouring manufacturer sponsored phase passes at least!) x

  18. This post made my morning! In fact, it has inspired me to finally pull my own complain/rant/rage against the world post out of the draft folder and publish it. #GlobalBlogging

  19. Nige

    Loving this particular virgin letters they never stop coming though the door fab post Rach x

  20. HAHAHA this made me laugh out loud, so funny, and SO true! Virgin media letters – what the hell is that all about? Every single day!! #globalblogging

  21. Yes, pop up ads! Especially when they make the site unusable (I’m looking at you foodandwine.com). I just got a comment from a troll ranting about how American women should be boycotted and a rant about all the reasons why. Apparently we’re crazy, have opinions, and aren’t all that nice to him. He has a whole website about it. It was actually one of the funniest things I’ve seen all week. Usually not so funny though. #globalblogging

  22. Tracey

    Yes to all of these! The newspaper sites are the worst for pop ups and they also have so many links to dodgy sites! #globalblogging

  23. Hahahaha spat out my cider…..love this post! I have a series of posts called “What’s annoying me series….” I’m near you in Wiltshire…perhaps it’s a south west thang! Bloody brilliant. #globalblogging

  24. Ha! Loved it, although I’m guilty of food pics, as it’s part of my (not very) niche.
    If I may add one: bloody motivational qoutes written out with a fancy font in lower case. Arggghhhhh!!! (i’ve tried to make one or two to see if really that’s what people want to see, but looks like I’m not alone) #globalblogging

  25. Anne

    Some I agree with, some not so, but all of them are hilarious. Oh, and I’m a Virgin customer and still get tons of letterbox spam.
    #globalblogging

  26. Emily

    HA YES! Although I am guilty of posting ‘healthy food’ pics on instagram! Pops ups pee me off too! Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

  27. Ah! Don’t you love a good rant! I could feel the rage coming out of you as I read this, haha. I hate pop up ads. They’re the worse. Even worse when they play music so everyone at work can hear that you’re not actually working. Not cool!
    #GlobalBlogging

  28. Ok.. this is so funny! You make me want to braver with my blog posts! I hate the unicorn trend… I mean why? Just why? THEY ARE NOT REAL! Every time I get a request for unicorn themed cake I’m just like “nah… fully booked, sorry” (not) Great read, thank you! #GlobalBlogging

  29. Loved this Rach and I agree with whole list, unicorn stuff be damned! Automated messages etc. on Instagram is a particular niggle of mine. Add to that the follow/unfollow clowns and you have a proper storm brewing.

  30. The best part of people not realising someone is an arse, is when they do find out and you can say “told you”. And you do realise I can never unsee that picture?!?! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

  31. This is so funny! I love this. I call myself a life grinch cause I am so irritated by stuff!
    #fridayfrolics

  32. Oh my eyes, that picture, my eyes!!! I wish a pop-up ad had covered that up! Brilliant post. I hate pop-ups with a bloody passion, especially when they are getting in the way of me reading the Daily Mail toolbar of shame! Thanks for linking up #FridayFrolics

  33. Top work as always and I probably agree with all of them. The only part that threw me was reference to the Daily Mail app! I struggled to get past that, but fortunately I battled on and it was worth it!! #FridayFrolics

  34. Helena

    Pop up ads are incredibly annoying.I heard someone rant over them before and the next thing she has them on her site! #globalblogging

  35. Erica

    Pop ups grip my tits. “I just want to read the goddam article you shite”
    Anyway. Thanks for the offload
    #fridayfrolics

  36. These are brilliant, i’m right with you on #eatclean, bottom of the barrel ‘celebs’ and having a valid opinion and exercising your right to voice it. Thanks for the great read #globalblogging

  37. Pop up ads…I actually end up slamming something down and swearing very loudly at the screen. Think I need anger management classes. Don’t get me started on the Virgin fliers – it’s non stop! Loveed this. Made me feel less impatient and angsty and more perhaps like a normal person. #globalblogging

  38. YES!!!!! You nailed it! I freaking LOATHE the pop ups…especially when I just logged into the site…I mean, come on, we just met-it’s too soon for a commitment!!!! #GlobalBlogging

  39. Haha! I’m quite pleased that I don’t do instagram, had no idea that anyone was revealing their phone notes to the world, and even back in the day I missed Jodie Marsh marking her shags on her vest! I do have a few questions about these photos of bins you’re posting! 😉 Sadly, I have not missed the pop up ads or the virgin spam! & I particularly hate it currently when someone is obviously an arsehole and yet people insist on bloody voting for them!

    Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics

  40. Oh this was just absolutely brilliant, proper belly laughed reading this! I don’t think I stopped nodding either! Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x

  41. Oh Rach this is so true!! I fecking hate the pop up ads and I can never find the x to close them either! Thanks for linking up #bestandworst

  42. Yes, Yes, Yes!!!!!! I couldn’t agree more with these and in particular the unicorn obsession. What is that al about? really don’t get it! Thank you for sharing with #StayClassyMama

  43. Hahha this is really funny! I agree with a lot of it. I also don’t get the unicorn obsession. I have a 2 yr old girl and she’s clueless. I’m glad!! #StayClassyMama

  44. Pop ups. I flipping Loathe them. Especially the ones that think they’re smart and they place the teeny tiny X in the left hand corner instead of the right….Holy Hell….As if I didn’t have enough aggravating issues in my life…FU PopUp!!!
    #bigpinklink

  45. Laughing hard here! Do love my unicorn slippers though (don’t unfollow). You are right about the difference between debating and being rude. Loved this post, you always speak so much sense, girl x

  46. #thesatsesh pop ups are my enemy and i often leave pages that have them rather than battle with the hidden X. Dude – delete the M online add (sorry couldn’t write the name in full) and I promise that will enhance your life lol x thanks for joining us

  47. Kel K

    Love it. F***ing unicorns do my head in! WTF are grown women doing getting excited over non-existant horny horses anyway?! And YES to the affair-blaming (been there, had that) and I can confirm that Virgin Media customers DO receive shit loads of shit mail. For a stupidly exorbitant cost. #thesatsesh

  48. Ha ha, love this! I nodded along to pretty much everything but I think I’m going to be having nightmares over one of those pictures you shared, that’s something no one needs to see, what the hell goes through these peoples minds? I hope you feel better for getting all that off your chest, I found it quite cathartic just reading it ?
    #Thesatsesh

  49. OMG, too funny! Wet myself reading again from #thesatsesh Once you put a unicorn in the frappuccino at Starbucks, you might as be on The Love Boat/Fantasy Island circuit! xo

  50. Adeniji

    Nice writeup, thanks for sharing this. Some issues are very irritating, I just don’t know why.

  51. Love this! So funny. Espesially Eat clean hashtag. I just want to spam them with real food when I see that. 🙂 #globalblogging

  52. I love a good ranty post. Pop ups are one of my pet hates. If you make the switch to Virgin Media, you’ll get the same annoying letters about Sky’s deals lol. But at least you get a laugh at them because usually their offer you can’t resist is more expensive than what you’re paying haha
    Debbie

  53. I thought I was the only person not to get the whole unicorn thing!!! I could feel myself getting riled by all the others as I read this too 🙂 Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging

  54. Yes!!!This is brilliant! Hundreds and thousands do not a unicorn make , a rainbow theme possibly but not a bloody unicorn!!!As for healthy eating photos oh my they make me feel sad and I’m not the one having to eat it!! #globalblogging

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